Preventing Damaging Parenting Habits

I have never heard a mom publicly announce, "I want my daughter to be perfect," and I have never heard a dad audibly declare, "I want to force my authority on my son." And, I've never heard parents say, "We want to be judgmental parents." For I've heard hundreds of daughters say, "My mom wants me to be perfect." And I've heard an equal number of sons say, "My dad rules our home with an iron fist." And I've heard thousands of kids say, "My parents are the most judgmental people I know." Somewhere between our intent and our execution, those can be the very desires we communicate to our kids.
Though we may say we don't demand perfection, don't rule with an iron fist, and that we won't judge our kids, our actions might just be saying otherwise. If we run up against consistent patterns of disregard and disobedience from our teens, perhaps it's time to ask ourselves a tough question: Am I doing something that pushes my kids further away from me?

read more: http://www.childabuse.com/authors/marks_corner/prevent_damaging_parental_habits.html

Greatest Gift to Your Teen

by Mark Gregston Heartlight Ministries

As parents, we often put a lot of blame on ourselves for what we cannot offer our kids. When Christmas or birthdays roll around, we feel guilty when we can't afford the latest and greatest iPads, video games, designer shoes, or state-of-the-art cell phones. Perhaps we feel embarrassed that, when it comes to housework, we're barely keeping our head above water, and it's all we can do to start the laundry, run the dishwasher, and feed the dog. And if that's not bad enough, we have the tendency to compare ourselves to what other moms and dads can offer their teens. Instead of being able to take a family vacation to Disney World, perhaps all you can do is pack the car up for a weekend with Grandpa and Grandma in Peoria, Illinois (I love people in Peoria; this is just an example). While other teens you know are taking private ski lessons, learning Italian in Europe, or going out to a movie every weekend, you feel like you're letting your teen down because you're not able to offer the same type of experiences. So we start to believe that we don't pass muster as parents.

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http://www.childabuse.com/authors/marks_corner/greatest_gift_teen.html

Finding Hidden Messages in Your Teen's Inappropriate Behavior

by Mark Gregston Heartlight Ministries

Don't judge; but I'm a fan of the National Treasure movies. Remember those films? They starred Nicholas Cage as Benjamin Gates, a historian and modern fortune hunter who believed that America's national monuments and historical artifacts contained a secret treasure map from the founding fathers. While other researchers and academics laughed at his conspiracy theories, Benjamin Gates eventually proved that underneath the common symbols and landmarks we see in America was a trail of messages pointing to new discoveries.
What does the National Treasure have to do with parenting teens? Just this: Our child's inappropriate behaviors, whether it's blatant disrespect, substance abuse, continuous lying, sexual activity, stealing, out-of-control anger, or spiraling depression, are visible landmarks that stick out in our teen's life. But if we take the time to look underneath these monuments, we will find the true message our teens are trying to convey, but cannot find the words to do so.

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http://www.childabuse.com/authors/marks_corner/finding_hidden_messages_teen_behavior.html

Dousing The Flame Dealing With Teenage Anger

By Mark Gregston Heartlight Ministries

For Lucas, it started in high school. "I guess I have a face and personality that invites bullies," he told me. Kids in class would ridicule Lucas' clothes, mock his behavior, laugh at where he came from, and deride him constantly. But in teen culture, you can't show weakness. Teens know that if you let on to bullies that they're affecting you, you're giving them an open invitation to continue the abuse. So Lucas put on his impervious face each day, and endured the barrage of mistreatment at school. But that kind of ill-treatment wears you down. "When I would finally come home," explained this young man, "the littlest thing would set me off. I mean, my mom would ask me to take out the trash and I could feel the anger building. At first I wouldn't talk, but that made my mom mad, so eventually all this anger would just, kinda, explode. I would yell, throw things, break things. My mom didn't know what to do."

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http://www.childabuse.com/authors/marks_corner/dousing_the_flame.html

When Your Teen Gets Into the Wrong Crowd

If you swim with the sharks, you're bound to get bit. One bad apple spoils the whole bushel. Bad company corrupts good character. Many parents have added these phrases to their lexicon, because they illustrate the dangers of running with the "wrong crowd". As moms and dads, we know how susceptible kids are to peer influence. You've likely spent many sleepless nights worrying about the people your child is hanging around. What are they teaching my son? What are they pressuring my daughter to do? Are these friends that will give needed support and encouragement to my teen, or are they the type of people who will bring my child down?

learn more>> http://www.childabuse.com/authors/marks_corner/teen_wrong_crowd.html

False Sense of Maturity Teaching Teens to be Resonsible

It's probably happened to a lot of dads. Your kid spends his mornings watching you drag yourself to the bathroom mirror, pile some shaving cream in your hand, break out your razor, and start shaving your face. Soon, your son (or maybe even daughter) decides they need to shave too. So you squirt a little cream in their hands, supply them a with tongue depressor, and let them "shave." As you both lean into the vanity mirror, it's hard not to laugh, watching your five-year-old seriously attack the non-existent stubble on his face.

read more>> http://www.childabuse.com/authors/marks_corner/false_sense_security.html

Child abuse, Know the Red Flags

ACEP News
December 2011
BY SHERRY BOSCHERT
Elsevier Global Medical News

SAN FRANCISCO - The color of a bruise indicates its age. You'll almost always see bruising when a child has a fracture. Sexual abuse leaves behind physical exam findings.

These are all myths that can get in the way of physicians recognizing abuse of an infant or child. Physicians are required by law to report all suspicions of nonaccidental trauma, a catch-all term for child abuse, shaken baby syndrome, and battered-child syndrome.

Physicians can meet that obligation by ignoring these myths, recognizing red flags for nonaccidental trauma, and being familiar with signs of accidental trauma or medical conditions that can mimic the physical findings of nonaccidental trauma, Dr. Maureen D. McCollough said at the Scientific Assembly of the American College of Emergency Physicians.

learn more>> http://childabuse.com/articles/child-abuse-red-flags.html